“Better to have lost and loved
than never to have loved at all.”
-Ernest Hemingway
“All you need is love…”
-The Beatles
“Time is very slow for those
who wait, very fast for those who are scared, very long for those who lament,
very short for those who celebrate but for those who love…time is eternal.”
-William Shakespeare
These quotes were taken straight from three of the top 100 most
influential people of all time. The common
theme throughout famous literature, movies, music, and speeches from before our
time until now seems to still be what everyone can agree on the most; the
ideals of love. We all eventually want
someone whom we can rely on and someone to reciprocate the love we give. An unconditional kind of love with no limits
or boundaries but that is respectful, kind and passionate with a partner to
face the greatest roller coaster of all: life.
We want someone who is all encompassing of a lover and a best friend. At the end of the day, whether you want to admit
it or not, we all want the same thing; that four letter word that gives us a
tiny speck of hope: love.
My whole life has been a
lesson and test of love, from the fairy-tales we were read as kids to those
“chick flicks” we couldn't stop watching because we yearned for an ounce of
what the characters in the movie shared.
If only life could just be one giant romantic comedy; a question that I
and many other girls out there frequent.
We were taught from a young age that although magic doesn't really exist
(like Mickey in Fantasia) that true love is the closest thing to magic we will
ever experience in this lifetime. It’s
tough to get close to that magic because romance barely exists in our
generation anymore and chivalry is as dead as the Wicked Witch of the East when
that poor house fell on top of her. So, as we grow up we go on this wild and
probably irrational scavenger hunt searching for “the one”; a fallacy created
by society or Hallmark that there is this one person in the world who is
specifically designated for you. Rumor
has it, that when you meet them you have this instantaneous feeling that you
know this is the person you are supposed to fall in love with and as the cliche goes, “live happily ever after.” This is
starting to sound cynical, and coming from the girl who is absolutely head over
heels for finding her “one”, I never thought I would be as guarded, skeptical
and almost a non-believer in the fairy-tale as I have been when it comes to
that tiny yet powerful four letter word.
Somewhere
down the road I grew tired of finding my Prince Charming; it probably had
something to do with the fact that I've kissed one too many toads, had to buy a
constant supply of breath mints to hide their stench, they were all so fleeting
and not to mention hard to catch. After all that, I now know that a toad is
really just a toad no matter how much you want him to turn into your Mr.
Charming. Ribbit, Ribbit! On a more serious note, everyone can relate
to the following:
·
First
Love: We will
always hold a special place in our heart for this person and if your first love
turns out to be your last, well I’ll be damned! You get a gold star and a pat on the back! Consider
yourself extremely lucky in this rare circumstance because you no longer have
to run around like a chicken with their head cut off to find “the one” because
you already did, sweetie! For the rest
of us common folk, and this is where most of the population falls, this person
usually doesn't make it to the next chapter of our life. Accept it and find comfort in knowing that
there is a reason why this person didn't make it to the present.
·
The
“Good on Paper” Love: This person has all the attributes you can
and should bring home to dear old Mom and Dad but something is missing. They are usually nice, doing well for
themselves and want to make you happy.
This person appears perfect but you can’t put your thumb on the absent
element or lack of complete attraction or passion and this drives you to an
uncertainty that eventually gives you the gut feeling to walk away.
·
The
“Bad Girl/Boy” Love: You wouldn't think any smart, sane person
would fall for a girl or guy who turns out to be a jerk but we all do it. This is the person with a bit of an edge that
you know deep down isn't right for you but you are very attracted to them. There is passion but not a whole lot of
anything else going on; there is virtually no hope of moving the relationship
forward. So, you try to convince yourself that it’s all fun, games and sex-
which no one is complaining about- well at least until someone gets hurt and
honey that someone is usually you!
Last but not least, and this is my personal favorite, the:
·
“The One Who Won’t Commit” Love: This person who won’t commit starts off
very promising. The relationship has
passion and intrigue, as well as camaraderie and friendship. You can have great sex and then a great
conversation. You feel alive and in
love. Oh but wait, when the time comes
to move in together or talk about marriage, this person freaks out and
eventually has to leave. This person is
usually emotionally unavailable because they let the past get the best of them. I find this one funny because usually there
is talk of what you want previous to getting serious and since the “eventually”
seems far off in the beginning stages of a relationship this person puts it out
of their mind. Usually, this person never had any intention of moving in
together or marriage one day with you, which in that case, why didn't you tell
me asshole!? You just wasted my time when I could be out there meeting Mr.
or Mrs. Right! This person literally
handpicked you off of the aisle, taking you off the market to the public, and
let you sit there on the cash register without ever really ringing you up; now
you’re just bad produce or as they say “damaged goods”.
I am pretty confident that I covered most if not all of the bases
there. We all have a past, and although
there are some more prominent than others that you just want to scream
obscenities towards and provide them with the same amount of pain and grief
they left you reeling in, please know, chances are you’re better off without
them in your life. This person is in
your past for a reason so as John Lennon said best, “let it be.” Let go of regret, let go of guilt, let go of
the “should of, could have, would haves”, let go of angst or any outstanding
rage towards this person and move on dearies.
Through all the trials and triumphs of these past lovers, you are
constantly learning. Learning about who
you are as a person, what you expect of future lovers, what works and what
simply does not and most of all you learn that everything happens for a reason. I guess the takeaway message is this: Pay
attention. Pay attention to the ones who
love you and also the ones who never could.
Make sure to retain the moral of the story because no one likes to find
themselves in the same relationship over and over again.
After re-reading the
previous paragraph, one question remains stagnant in my mind; if our past sheds
positive light onto our future, why is it so hard to pick yourself back up and
go for the plunge again when someone new comes into the picture? At some point, you need to stop handing out
your heart like it’s free candy at the movies.
It’s not. Your heart is the price
of an entire Chanel store or, at the very least, a vacation to Europe. Better yet, your heart is priceless. It’s also important to note that there are
consequences to loving badly and recklessly, consequences you don’t often see
or notice until it’s too late. It all
counts. Every person you have ever been
with or chose not to be with, they’re all there with you as you sit at home and
make love to your space heater. You need
to stop dating people out of pity or simply because they are nice. You know that “nice” doesn't usually give you
orgasms or a long attention span. You’ll
break their heart in a million little pieces and then sit back and marvel at
what you've done. No one wants to be
responsible of that episode from Young & the Restless. For the past year, my love life pretty much
consisted of the above.
Honestly, my poor heart
is just exhausted from being in a one sided relationship for so long, unkempt
promises and making someone part of my world when I was barely a thought in
theirs. Who wouldn't be afraid to put
extra effort forth when it came to others who tried? Who was I kidding? No guy was going to surprise me with an
acoustic rendition of “I’ll Be” by Edwin McCain (a song that always puts a tear
in my eye) serenading me sweetly and then
pulling me into a beautifully lit gazebo like you see in A Cinderella Story or
Twilight to slow dance and profess their undying love for me. I literally dreamed for that moment for so
long but Cupid clearly didn't get that memo.
Soon, I became content in knowing that the closest thing I would ever
have of a boyfriend was good ol’ Ben and Jerry on a Saturday night cuddled up
on the couch watching Ryan Gosling from The Notebook on repeat and an added
bonus of double stuffed Oreos on any commercialized holiday that was dedicated
to “love”. I've let the fear of the
unknown hold me back.
